i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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