3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
