wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
