Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Drunk is not a location!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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