remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
