I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize