she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize