ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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