Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
