My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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