i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize