I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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