You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
