fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
