no, he came in my armpit
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
