I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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