Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize