he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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