when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
