Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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