I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
