this beer tastes like vomit already
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
where does the pee come out of this thing
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
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