okay pat passed out under dana's car
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
