i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
