I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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