After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
