these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize