I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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