Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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