Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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