I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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