Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
