I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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