if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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