Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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