How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
God I need to hump something, right now.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
