I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
