Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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