I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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