I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
