IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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