i was born a porn star she said
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
