My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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