everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
