Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
