If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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