i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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