i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
