Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
try to milk me bitch
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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