i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
