I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize