i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
