she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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