i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
There's even glitter on my cock...
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