I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
