Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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