i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
