is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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