so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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