I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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