Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
