Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
