Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
