I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
