Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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