The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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