The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
