Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
