margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
