trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
