I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize