The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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