im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
