all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
