Already got asked if we're dating
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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