my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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