32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
