I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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