Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
