His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
