i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
