she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
