So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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