she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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