The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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