Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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