I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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