winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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