I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize