I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
