I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
