where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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