Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
