careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
